today, is a long day, its only early, and yet i've been up since long before the sun, and i'll be up long after its gone, this lack of sleep is dissatisfying, and its starting to get to me, its reflected in my moods, and my very attitude towards everything and everyone, and yet when i go to that place tonight, i'll smile and pretend like i'm content and happy, because after all isn't that what they expect, so i'll give and i'll bite my tongue and i'll play nice, i keep remembering that its only another few days and i'll be able to have my sleep again... until then i'll use my love to lull me into a state of mind where i'm not fantasizing about people randomly finding some sort of demise... bitter, cold, tired... at a complete loss for anything other than emotions that i'd buried, or tried to long ago, they always come back when i'm here, i try to stay away but i get sucked in, i get lost in memories, drawn closer and closer to that door that i choose to leave closed, for on the other side lay my deepest fears, things i've seen, things i've done... they're scratching at the door, making it known that they're still there, waiting for me to finally break and lose my mind, to have lost all control... just a few days and it won't feel so close, my skin itches and burns, the gloves are accompanied by a foul stench of old sweat and aging bacteria, on the top of my hands is a horrible rash for having worn them for periods of time greater than one should... its spread up my arms, and causes constant discomfort... a few more days and maybe it'll go away like everything else thats been eating at me, the bags under my eyes keep growing, my eye lids are heavy, i'm cold, and i just wanna find a comfy place where i can lay and let myself fall into a deep rejuvenating slumber, just a few days...